Close quarters

The tough thing about having tenants downstairs is that there is always someone listening when you accidentally shout obscenities at the top of your lungs.

Like the time Isaac was standing on top of the toilet while I was getting ready, holding a glass jar of hand cream; and he couldn't resist the temptation of throwing it. Out of the whole bathroom floor, it landed right on my toenail, of course. I grabbed that kid and gently-roughly threw him down on the changing pad on my bed and yanked his pants off--to find that they were full from ankle to hip with poop. The bands around the ankles of those sweatpants were holding on for dear life, but apparently let fly a few souvenirs. All up and down my hall rug. And in the bathroom. Add to this that I was still running around in my underwear at this point on a Sunday morning when we were late for church. Awesome. That one was the D word, if you were wondering. And it was when that glass jar hit my toenail, to be right honest. Turns out the sermon for that day just happened to be entitled "School Thy Feelings."

Or the time I was in the shower, had been in there a full 90 seconds already without interruption, when Isaac came in and opened the curtain. No big deal, I just closed it. Then he put his head under the outer curtain and started pulling the inner curtain outside the tub so the water was leaking onto the floor. I yanked it closed again and was trying to hold it to the wall with my foot while I lathered up some face wash. Got that taken care of, only to open my eyes and find him opening the other side. I was trying to extremely-cheerfully-on-the-border-of-furiously recommend that he go in the living room and play. Well, he let me close the curtain, at which point I quickly got some shampoo and scoured my scalp, then risked closing my eyes to wash out my hair, knowing the boy could still be nearby. Turns out he was nearby, and he took the opportunity while my eyes were closed of sticking just his little hand, silently into the shower and turning the knob for cold water completely off. I opened my eyes to see the tail end of what he was doing, and it was like slow motion. I was already halfway through the obscenity, and trying to jump out of the way while simultaneously turning the cold water back on with my foot, right before being scalded to the bone.

Well, I guess anyone who lives beneath us and still likes us are true friends.